Coyote Too

This piece is 2 or 3 chapters into an urban fantasy I am writing, and it's only the first page and a half of the chapter. I haven't written any of the rest yet, I wanted to start here to try to get a feeling for how the whole thing would work but picking a critical moment for the main character and expanding on that. This is very much a first rough draft (I've barely re-read it myself), so I'm not looking for syntax corrections, I'm just curious whether it feels right. Does the story draw you in? Does it need more or less description? That sort of thing. I'd very much appreciate that feedback (and anything else you'd care to offer). Many thanks.

The Augury

The Harvard T stop was was full of the usual rush-hour crowd; students streaming out of their last classes, business people headed home, and a strong cross-current of people inbound for dinner and entertainment. A train had just unloaded a crowd of early supper seekers, and Megan had trouble keeping up with Patrick. He passed through the turnstile while she was still fumbling for her pass, and he seemed to flow through the crowd as though no one was there. She jogged the few last yards to catch up with him at the edge of the platform.

I tweeted this short piece as I was heading back north from a roadtrip that had taken me from Massachusetts to Florida and New Orleans, with a few stops in-between. The short form (restricted to 140 characters) resulted in something a little more melodramatic that I felt, but it captured some of what I saw. It's a hard time for a lot of people, both financially and emotionally. It was a wonderful trip, and I met (and almost met) many people I've wanted to see, but still it's had a touch of sadness.

I dreamt of walks; wooded streams, thoughtful words.
I sought love; gentle agape, passionate eros.
I found sadness; the fear of dying alone.

This was my July 10th entry into @SensualStories #Journaling Game. You can see the original post on her web site. People on Twitter submit phrases, which she posts. Then anyone who feels inclined can write a short piece using one of the phrases. The stories are posted on her website for comment. Most, but not all, the stories are somewhat erotic, but it's a great writing exercise, especially if you're trying to get back into the flow of writing stories. The phrase was, "theres a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step I take", from "Sober" by Tool, submitted by @purplehayz.

The rain fell softly on the leaves above me. Nature’s odd hold on time still left a few minutes respite before they reached the forest floor. Later, when the clouds had moved on, an echo of the rain would continue to fall in the shadow of the great trees. It was late afternoon, but here in the forest it was twilight already. The edges of my world were indistinct and ghostly. The daylight birds had gone quiet with the rain and the dusk. The nighttime peepers were still silent. I paused for a moment, but nothing interrupted the quiet drops on the canopy above. I moved forward once more, but I could feel it as much as see it. There was a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step I took.